Category Archives: Everyday Life

Topics related to the world we live in

Sleeping arrangements

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What happens when an unmarried Christian couple (boyfriend and girlfriend) want to go on a trip together? Is it okay to stay in a hotel? Do they need to book separate rooms, or can they share a room?

In my opinion, there are two issues to be considered:

1. The issue of “appropriateness” versus “impropriety.”

2. The issue of temptation.

As a Christian, it’s a given that sexual acts (including, but not limited to, intercourse) are reserved for marriage. Engaging in such acts is sinful for those who are unmarried. There are also behaviors that are not necessarily wrong, but may result in being tempted towards behavior that would be wrong. For example, sleeping in the same bed, while not a sin itself, would open the door for lots of temptation, and put “forbidden fruit” within easy grasp, making it easy to succumb to temptation. Therefore sleeping in the same bed is a bad idea because of the issue of temptation. Also, even if two individuals were entirely confident in their ability to resist temptation, most people would agree that it would be inappropriate, in the same way that co-habitation prior to marriage is inappropriate. Even in the absence of any sexual behavior, sharing a bed is a very intimate arrangement, and that type of intimacy should probably be reserved for those who are married.

Sleeping in separate beds in the same room provides less opportunity for temptation, but still may allow for too much temptation to be a good choice. Particularly if there is no sofa or loveseat in the room, it would be quite easy to start out with the two individuals sitting on top of one bed talking or watching TV, and then the one invididual never makes it over to his/her own bed, which puts them right back into the problem described above. Most would agree that sharing a bedroom is inappropriate, just as sharing the same bed is inappropriate.

With separate sleeping quarters, one of the individuals must leave to “go to bed,” which greatly reduces the temptation that results from sharing the same sleeping quarters. From a temptation standpoint, my opinion is that separate rooms are called for. This could be separate bedrooms at the home of friends or family, a separate room in a hotel suite, or separate individual rooms in a hotel. In my view there is not a substantial difference between a separate room divided by a doorway and a separate room down the hall. There should be no more temptation or opportunity for temptation than spending time together normally at one individual’s house or apartment.

Wild at Heart

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It seems that whenever someone or something becomes popular, it’s never long before the attacks begin. The Christian subculture is no exception. Perhaps the logic goes something like this: “I’m teaching the truth, and I’m not popular. Therefore, the truth cannot be popular. Hence, if something is popular, there must be something wrong with it.” Another possibility is that sometimes a new perspective challenges people to change what they are doing. If someone is convinced that they are doing things the right way, then they may feel the need to poke holes in the viewpoint that expresses a need for change.

I can’t defend everything John Eldredge says, and I’ll admit that some of what he says leaves me a little uneasy. I’ve also been challenged and refreshed by the two books of his that I’ve read (Wild at Heart and Waking the Dead). After reading a very critical review of Wild at Heart, I wrote the following response:

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Finances

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Some thoughts on financial management, budgeting, getting out of debt, etc.

It takes time. You need to be organized, and take the time to keep track of your finances.

It can seem overwhelming at first. When someone is thousands of dollars in debt, sometimes they would rather just not think about it. That only makes the situation worse, because if you don’t figure out exactly how much you make and how much you owe, you cannot create a plan to get out of debt.

First steps:

1. Net Worth: Know where all your money is, and how much there is.
-Some people have multiple checking/savings accounts, and may not even know how much is in each account. Consolidate multiple accounts. Use your bank’s website to keep tabs on your account balances.

2. Income: Figure out how much you make. (net salary, after taxes, on a monthly basis)
-Don’t include overtime or odd jobs if they can’t be counted on for regular income.

3. Expenses: List all of your regular expenses. (mortgage/rent, car payments, other loan payments, utility bills, phone/cable/internet, magazines, food, gas, etc.)
-For expenses that don’t occur once a month, figure out the monthly equivalent. (expenses for total year, divided by 12)

4. Liabilities: Add up all past due bills. (we’ll come back to this one after Step 5)
-List your debts in ascending order, for the smallest amount owed to the largest amount
-Be aware of interest rates, late fees, service charges, etc.

5. Balance your budget.
If your expenses (#3) are more than your income (#2), then you need to aggressively reduce your expenses and/or increase your income. Increasing your income isn’t always within your control, but reducing expenses usually is. TV, internet, cell phones, magazines, movies, etc., are all optional expenses that may need to be eliminated. You may need to find strategies to save on gas money and food. You may decide you can’t afford your current car or residence, and need to trade down. You may need to find a second job. Do whatever it takes to make sure that your income is greater than your expenses.

6. Manage expenses.
Now that you have a budget that allows you to live within your means, you need some structure to keep your spending under control to make sure you stick to your budget. This is why keeping track of your spending habits is important, so you don’t get to the end of the month and realize (too late) that you’re out of money. Many people find it helpful to use an envelope system. At the beginning of each month, take out the budgeted amount of cash for food, gas, entertainment, and other discretionary expenses, and put each amount in it’s own envelope. Use only the allotted cash to make your purchases (don’t write checks or use your credit card). If your food money runs low, you’ll have to eat peanut butter and jelly for a while. If your gas money runs low, you’ll have to stay close to home for a while. If you don’t use all your gas money in a given month, don’t just blow it on something else: save it, or use it to pay off debt.

7. Pay down debt.
While you’re creating your budget in Step 5, it’s important to not just have your expenses be equal to your income, but to have your expenses be less than your income. This excess income is used to create savings and pay off accumulated debt. It is often recommended to eliminate your smallest debts first, and work your way up, but sometimes the debt with the highest interest rate or highest late fees should get top priority. Once a debt is payed off, don’t treat the money you were paying as being freed up for other expenses, roll it over into paying off the next debt.

This is the step that people are often the most worried about, but without doing Steps 1 through 6, Step 7 will never happen.

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Chick Tracts

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I like the idea of putting Bible doctrine and gospel messages in comic book style tracts. I haven’t read all of the Chick tracts, but I assume there are some that I could give to someone without any qualms. However, there are also some that I would never give to anyone. “Angels?” (about Christian rock) and “The Attack” (about the KJV Bible) are two that are utterly ridiculous.

All (or at least a lot) of the tracts can be read at www.chick.com. I looked at one about Mormonism, and all the claims are footnoted. Anyone who cares to investigate the claims can go to the LDS sources to see if they are taken out of context or come from legitimate LDS authorities or just random LDS adherants.

Let’s look at a couple specifics of The Attack.

He calls the Alexandrian Manuscripts “satanic.” You can argue that they aren’t as accurate, but to call them “satanic” is ridiculous. He says the Alexandrian Manuscripts “down-play the diety of Christ, the virgin birth, salvation by grace through faith, etc.” This is a bogus claim. The only way to support this claim is by taking isolated verses and comparing them to the KJV, with the assumption that if it doesn’t match the KJV it’s corrupted. This is circular reasoning. Every translation of the Bible I have seen affirms the diety of Christ, the virgin birth, salvation by grace through faith, etc.

He claims that the NASB “denies the virgin birth” by changing Luke 2:33. First off, the NASB doesn’t “change” anything. They simply translated the Greek word “pate?r.” If you want to argue that the word was changed in the version of the Greek manuscript they used, fine, but don’t blame the NASB translators for the change. It’s also false to say the NASB denies the virgin birth. If they were going to do that, they would also have changed Isaiah 7:14 (“a virgin will be with child and bear a son”), Matthew 1:18 (“before they came together she was found to be with child by the Holy Spirit”), Matthew 1:23 (“the virgin shall be with child and shall bear a son”), Matthew 1:25 (“but kept her a virgin until she gave birth to a Son”), and others. If you want to be picky about calling Joseph Jesus’ father, let’s see what the KJV has in Luke 2:48. Mary says to Jesus, “thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing.” Mind you, this is the KJV, and Mary obviously knows that Jesus is not Joseph’s biological son, and yet she calls Joseph his “father.”

He goes on to accuse other Bible versions of being “corrupted” and “tampering” with Scripture for leaving out the Comma Johanneum in 1 John 5:7. He doesn’t bother to tell you that of the 8 Greek manuscripts that have these words, it was written in the margin by a later hand on four of them. That doesn’t speak well to it’s authenticity. (http://www.bible-researcher.com/comma.html)

Now that I think about it, his willingness to twist the truth and spread misinformation would cause me to have some qualms about handing out even some of the tracts that have only good content. I wouldn’t want someone to think that Chick Publications was a trusted authority on Biblical issues and be misled by some of their outlandish teachings.

I don’t mind someone defending the KJV as the “best” translation, but when they attack any other translation as satanic, they go overboard and lose their credibility.

Marriage

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How do I know if I’m ready to get married? It’s a common question I’m sure, and it would be nice if there were a simple checklist or test one could take that would provide the answer. The reality is, it will always be a judgment call. However, it occurs to me that three elements ought to be satisfied before deciding to get married.

1. Ask yourself, “Do I feel confident that I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?” This takes into account the level of emotional attachment as well as your knowledge of your similarities and differences and your compatibility on various issues, but it’s mostly a gut-level evaluation of your feelings for this person.

2. Am I willing to do whatever it takes to love this person for the rest of my life? Am I willing to put their needs and desires above my own? Circumstances change and emotions come and go, but a decision to love someone forever is an act or your will.

3. The final question addresses the physical/practical component. Are we old enough and mentally/emotionally mature enough to make such an important commitment? Will marriage present a great financial hurdle? Will our careers or lifestyles have to change drastically if we get married?