Category Archives: Everyday Life

Topics related to the world we live in

Sanctuary Seating Psychology Supposition

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Okay, this is a dumb question, but I wonder if anyone else has ever had this conundrum.

Suppose you, an individual of the single variety, are walking into church. You’re fairly early, so there are lots of available seats. (Note: this is a Modern Church, so there are no pews; just individual seats lined up in rows and attached together at the sides.)

One of your friends is sitting in a row that is otherwise empty, so you go to join them. Now, the big question is, do you sit right next to them, or leave an empty seat (AKA, a “Bible Seat”) in between? If you are both male, there is no hesitation. Given that there are enough seats available, two or more males sitting “together” will leave an empty seat in between each occupied seat. This way there is no accidental touching; legs can be crossed, elbows moved about, etc, without bumping into each other. In contrast, two or more females sitting together will always sit in adjacent seats. The precise explanation for this is unknown, but some suspect it may be so whispering during the service is less noticeable.

But what if you are a male, and you’re getting ready to sit down by a female with whom you have a platonic friendship? You don’t want to seem aloof by creating an unnecessary distance between you, but on the other hand, you don’t want to give an impression that is unintended (by you) or unwelcomed (by her). It would be different if the row were already mostly full, but sitting side-by-side with no one else in the immediate vicinity might be awkward.

Am I alone in facing these life-altering quandaries? Is it all in my head, the result of my own insecurity, or have others been plagued by this as well? Any advice?

originally posted 1/23/2005 on bibleforums.org

Online "dating" (a male perspective)

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A while back, out of boredom and curiousity, I posted a profile at several online dating sites (match.com, cupid.com, true.com, etc; there are a bunch). Here is what I can tell you from my experience. Some of these will sound like superficial generalizations, so bear with me.

(in no particular order)

  • The number of Christians is small. Some will check the “Christian” box by “default” because they aren’t Buddhist, Hindu, or Muslim, and they believe in God; but they aren’t necessarily born-again. In the “what they’re looking for” category, if they leave religion Open/Any/All, it tells you they don’t really understand the Christian concept of being unequally yoked. Even if they are true Christians, someone who was raised on Catholic or ELCA doctrine is not likely to see eye-to-eye with me on a lot of issues. The number of people who have a faith that is truly compatible with mine is very low.
  • There are quite a few women who are divorced and/or have children. In a way, this reflects reality, but I think the percentages are higher for online dating sites. I think single mothers or divorcees are more likely to use an online dating site than someone who has never been married. That may not be true, but that’s my impression. This is not to say that you should automatically rule out someone who has been married before or had children out of wedlock, but it’s not the ideal situation.
  • If they haven’t been married and don’t have kids, they’re likely to be overweight and/or unattractive. I don’t say this to be mean or superficial, and I realize it’s a generalization; it’s simply my observation of a trend that I saw. It seems to me that the people who are most likely to use online dating sites are those who have been unsuccessful in meeting someone via the “normal” means. Often, that means those who have had failed relationships, or those who are not found to be attractive (or don’t consider themselves attractive to others). Again, this is not to say that you should rule out someone who isn’t a knockout. It’s inner beauty that really counts, and someone’s inner beauty can influence how you view the exterior “package.” However, I do believe that physical attraction, though a minor consideration, is important. I also believe that a measure of physical compatibility is important. All other things equal, a 6-foot supermodel is probably not the best match for me. On the other hand, I prefer to marry someone who I can carry across the threshold; so I either need to really start working out, or find someone who weighs less than I do.
  • To actually have a conversation with someone, most sites require you to purchase a subscription. They usually filter out email addresses, IM accounts, web sites, etc, and some are more aggressive than others at censoring profiles to eliminate any description of how to contact you outside of their system.
  • You are likely to cultivate interest from people who don’t interest you. This makes me feel kind of bad when someone tries to contact me or let me know they are interested in learning more about me, and I either ignore them or let them know that I’m not interested. It’s one thing to get to know someone, but since it’s a dating site, I don’t want to get someone’s hopes up when I suspect they’re not what I’m looking for.

Also, some people lie, long distance relationships are tough, and the impersonal nature of the internet has it’s complications.

On the plus side, some of the personality tests and questions you have to answer in the process of creating a profile are kind of fun and helpful in learning about yourself and what you’re looking for. eHarmony.com is probably the best in that regard.

originally posted 3/3/2005 on bibleforums.org

Randomness

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Sometimes my dog runs and jumps on the deck, but he’s going too fast, so he slides, especially if there is ice or a thin layer or snow on the deck like right now because it’s been snowing, which really stinks because it’s March and I wish it would get warm so I can ride my motorcycle that I bought last October but didn’t get a chance to ride much before it started to get cold, except for New Years Eve when it was nice out so I took it out for a ride after I changed the stock muffler to a muffler intended for a Harley Sportster which I bought off eBay (the muffler, not a Sportster), but I only needed one muffler because my bike is a single cylinder, but I got two since Sportsters have two, so now I have an extra one that I need to sell, but I’ve been lazy and haven’t posted it yet, which is kind of weird because I spend a lot of time on the internet and I already have pictures of it so it wouldn’t be too hard to post it, but I guess part of my reluctance is that packaging it up and taking it to the post office is kind of a pain, so I’d rather just sell it or give it to someone local, but I don’t really know anybody who could use it, although there is a FreeCycle message board for offering things up for free that I tried to sign up for, but for some reason it didn’t work so I’ll have to try it again, and if it works I might also be able to get rid of an old printer that doesn’t work very well, but I hate to just throw it away, so maybe someone else might be interested in it if it’s free and all they have to do is replace the printhead, which I think may be the reason why it doesn’t print very well anymore, although it’s several years old and printer technology has advanced enough that for ~$50 you can get a pretty decent printer brand new, which is about what you have to pay for a new print head, so maybe I should just throw my old printer in the trash, although maybe it would be better to recycle it, but I’m not sure who recycles printers, and I don’t want to have to pay to recycle it, like I did with my old monitor that didn’t work, and I couldn’t find anyone who was interested in repairing it, and you’re not supposed to throw TV’s or monitors in the trash because of the lead in the CRT, so I had to pay $5 to dispose of it, which is lame, but I’ve paid over $5 to see a lame movie before, which is less entertaining than watching my dog slide across the deck, which is kind of funny, as long as he doesn’t hurt himself.

originally posted 3/10/2005 on bibleforums.org

Mental Illness

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Is mental illness a true physical illness, or a spiritual condition caused by sin? What does the Bible have to say about mental illness, and how we should treat a friend or family member who is mentally unstable?

Orginally posted 3/11/2005 on bibleforums.org:

Unfortunately, the Bible does not specifically address every situation that we encounter. Mental illness is one of those areas where we’re left to use our understanding of general biblical principles and guidance from the Holy Spirit.

Mental illness is just that–an illness. It’s not a personality flaw or a spiritual condition, although those are usually involved too, so it can be hard to separate the two. However, the physical illness must be addressed before someone can think clearly enough to evaluate their own spiritual condition.

James 2:16

If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?

I think a principle we can take from this verse is that offering spiritual advice without practical help is of little value.

I have had [close] dealings with two different people who suffered from different forms of mental illness. One was my father, who became extremely depressed and obsessive/compulsive, to the point that he could not function. Our entire family agreed that he needed to go to the hospital, and although it was an immensely humbling step for him to take, he was willing to listen to us and voluntarily admit himself. He stayed in the pyschiatric ward for a while, and between the medicine and counseling, he regained the ability to function. He does not like being on medication, but if he cuts it back too far, he starts to slip into deep depression again. He is a devout Christian, who places a very high priority on holiness and adherance to God’s Word. I am convinced that his depression is a symptom of a chemical imbalance.

I have another friend, who I can only describe as a psychopath. He refuses to seek help or admit that he has a problem. He does not think rationally; he is angry and bitter and thinks the world is out to get him. Once he gets an idea in his head that he has been wronged, he absolutely cannot get it out of his head. For a number of years, I tried to be a friend and provide a listening ear. He would call me on the phone several times a week, and talk for an hour or more if I let him; I barely got a word in edgewise. However, he decided that there were some things I had said that he did not like, and that became the only thing he could talk about. It reached a point where we could no longer have a normal conversation, so I stopped talking to him. He would call me many times a day, all hours of the day, and leave nasty messages on my answering machine. I haven’t spoken to him for months, but he still calls occasionally just to leave an angry message. In this case, I cannot help him. There is nothing that I can say that is of any value to him, and just listening to him has no benefit to either of us. Since he is unwilling to seek counseling or a medical evaluation, I just stay away from him.

Rom 12:18

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

There will be cases where it’s not possible to live peaceably with someone. Read the Old Testament; God is not a pacifist. We are not to take judgement into our own hands, and we are to consider others as more important than ourselves, but we ought not let others walk all over us (see Luke 22:36).

1Co 5:11

But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.

If someone claims to be a Christian, then they have an obligation to obey the Bible. If they refuse to listen, then it may be necessary to keep them at a distance.

Gal 6:2

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

If someone is unable to deal with their mental illness, then it is appropriate to take the necessary steps to get help for them. This can be difficult to make happen if they are unwilling, and someone else in the family does not have some sort of power of attorney (POA) for making medical decisions on their behalf.

Luk 18:7

And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off?

Don’t give up on prayer. The widow in this parable had to pester the unjust judge to get a response, but God is not unjust; He will provide a solution. Loving someone means doing what is best for them. If someone is doing harm to those around them, it is better for their own sake that they not be left to continue behaving that way. They may not like what is best for them, and they may fight it. But if it’s within your power to help them, the loving thing to do is to endure the short-term pain of doing what is necessary to ensure their best interest in the long run.

"Christian" Music

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“Christian band” or “just a band with members who are Christians”?

Originally posted 3/15/2005 on bibleforums.org:

There is a difference between “Christian Music” as a genre, and “music by Christians.” It does seem to be true that snagging a record deal with a Christian label does not require as much talent as snagging a record deal with a secular label. That’s not to say that artists on Christian labels are always less talented than artists on secular labels, but as a general rule, if you’re a Christian who is gifted at music, it’s easier to sign with a Christian label.

I suspect some Christian artists are a bit conflicted. By signing with a Christian label, their audience is primarily evangelical Christians, but they feel a call to spread the gospel. How do you spread the gospel if everyone listening to you is already saved? Not everyone has the same motives though. Some artists in the Christian Music world see their mission as encouraging fellow Christians in their walk. Others who are Christians who happen to also be musicians may not necessarily see their music as a ministry tool; to them it’s just what they do for a living, and bits and pieces of them will come through in their music, but they have no desire to preach to either Christians or non-Christians.

I think it’s too bad that some artists feel “trapped” in the evangelical subculture and feel the need to avoid association with it. It’s too bad that the label you sign with determines how your music is categorized. To some extent, I think if an artist is truly talented enough, they can surpass these artificial boundaries. Mercy Me, Jars of Clay, and others have received airplay on secular radio with songs from “Christian” albums.

One thing I really don’t like is the demand from the Christian Music market that every song have saccharin-sweet, happy-happy, feel-good lyrics. I have pretty much stopped listening to Christian Radio. One of the local stations here recently changed their motto from something Christ-centered to something family-friendly. Now it’s basically the same as that of a local pop music station: you can listen to us at work or with your kids without worrying about hearing anything offensive. Is that what makes good Christian music these days? Something uplifting that won’t offend anybody?